Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
