Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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