My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
