He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
