Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This baby is an asshole
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Vodka?
Forever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
