I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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