I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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