He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
either way he was missing a nipple.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
