Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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