I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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