Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
