She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
