I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
