I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize