We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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