apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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