Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
