You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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