Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
