Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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