My liver just broke up with me...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize