Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
