omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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