You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
