Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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