i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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