Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
