Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've blown a few things in my day
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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