6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
