wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
