Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think your dad took our porno
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
