The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
