I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
