time to smoke my breakfast
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
