i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
