I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
