I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
