you will always have a special place in my vag
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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