i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
