And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We need to get me chipped asap
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
