Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm really busy with my period
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