Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
