Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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