Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
