How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
