Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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