Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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