the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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