yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
