And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
