I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
